Monthly Archives: June 2011

Somehow we are already halfway through 2011.  Maybe it is because our summer hasn’t really felt like summer thanks to some decidedly springlike weather, but the halfway point has come way too soon.  I thought this would be a good way to revisit my 11 for 2011 and see how my goals for this year are progressing.

The Good

• We did the Great Toddler Road Trip!  Instead of California we went only as far as South Dakota, but it was the trip of a lifetime.  It taught me much about traveling with a toddler, and I’m ready to do it again.

• We’ve been good on our “no fast food” promise.  We’ve slid only when we’ve had visitors who want to go to Oscar’s for their famous frozen custard.

• I joined a book club.  It was not as great as I expected, so I’m now a book club dropout.

• I’m a better cook now.  I’m a work in progress, but I’m improving.  Just don’t ask my husband about chicken alfredo.

• I’ve definitely become less of a consumer.  I shop less, and I’m okay with that.  I’ve found quality in activities and interaction, not in things.  That’s a huge win.

• And my biggest victory:  I do tell the people that I love just how much they mean to me.  I leave love notes for my husband every day so when he comes downstairs for his morning coffee he has a little something to make him smile.  I spend more one-on-one time with Jack doing wonderful things like biking and reading and snuggling.

The Bad

• Running.  I am so disappointed in my running lately.  Ever since the humidity shot up, it is really, really hard to punch out a three mile run.  I’m slower, and I’m struggling more.  I’ve been keeping up my fitness by lifting weights, biking, doing alternative cardio and some vinyasa yoga, but I really wanted to be getting ready for a half marathon.  It isn’t happening.  I’m very disappointed in myself on this one.  Even so, there’s one thing I can’t do:  I can’t stop trying.

• The canoe hasn’t hit the water yet.  We’re almost to July, and our canoe is as dry as a bone.  That is due partly to the weather, and partly to being so busy.  It will happen this year, it will.  It just hasn’t happened yet.

Still to Come

• I haven’t done any rock climbing yet.  It was my Mother’s Day wish, but we ended up with other plans.  I am confident I’ll climb a rock before the year is out.

• We’re working on visiting the new state parks.  We’ve visited two new ones so far, so we have three to go.  That won’t be hard.

• We still have a lot of camping to do.  We camped on our trip to South Dakota, but we still have some Wisconsin Dells weekends to look forward to.

Looking back, it has been a full year so far.  We’ve grown as a family, we’ve had some great adventures, and we’ve learned a lot from one another.

How is 2011 treating you?

Happy Father’s Day!

This article on fatherhood has been making the rounds this week.  AuthorJeff Pearlman asks dads to “wake the hell up” and start taking more responsibility at home. At first I thought the article was pretty great, but after some thinking on it I’ve changed my mind.  Pearlman missed a great opportunity here by indulging in unnecessary gender stereotyping.

While I don’t necessarily disagree with the sentiments, I can’t help but roll my eyes at the writer’s lofty proclamations on fatherhood and his condescending “ten commandments of righteous fatherhood,” including pearls like “change a diaper,” “wash the dishes” and “tell your kids you love them.”  How many dads needed an article from CNN to tell them that?  (And if you aren’t doing those things already, would an article on the Internet make you change your ways?)

Yes, fathers should be engaged with their children at home, even if they just finished a long, trying day at the office.

But so should mothers.  This isn’t 1952.  Perhaps the author hasn’t heard the news, but lots of moms have jobs outside the home these days.  And lots of moms sit down on the couch after a long day at work, pour a glass of wine and plug their kids into some television show so that they could have a few hours to themselves.

In other words, disengaged parents come in two genders.  This isn’t a “dad” issue, even though framing it as one makes for a convenient little Father’s Day piece.  But why bash dads when the problem is one that really knows no gender?  Why not call a spade a spade and say “hey, parents:  your kids need you to take care of their physical needs, but they equally need you to take care of their emotional, mental, moral and social needs”:  I guess that isn’t as compelling as bashing dads just before Father’s Day.

Perhaps we all know an example of the “bad dad” (or mom) who actually could learn a lesson or two from that article.  I’d be willing to wager that far, far more parents take their roles much more seriously because we know just how important it is to be mom and dad.

Happy Father’s Day, everyone.

The toddler leash has become a hot-button topic.  While it doesn’t hold the emotional capital that vaccinations or circumcision have, there’s something about putting a toddler on a leash that brings out a lot of strong opinions.  On one side of the aisle are the parents who believe that a leash is a great safety tool that helps keep curious toddlers protected in crowded areas.  On the flip side are those who believe that a toddler leash is one small step on a slippery slope away from putting the child in a pet carrier with a bowl of kibble.

I’ll come out and say it:  I am pro-leash in certain circumstances.  Moreover, I believe that using a toddler leash is completely congruent with natural parenting principles.

We bought this little guy:

He’s a plush doggie that the toddler wears like a backpack, with two buckles that clasp together around the child’s chest.  A soft “leash” is attached to the back of the doggie.  The leash is about thirty-six inches long, and has a loop for the parent’s hand.  We purchased ours because we anticipated a big crowd at Mount Rushmore, and we wanted Jack to enjoy his time there without fearing for his safety.  While we ultimately opted for travel by backpack at the monument, we did use the leash when we visited the crowded tourist area of Keystone, South Dakota.  In doing so, we certainly got our share of stares from people.

When so many people perceive the leash as a tool for lazy parenting, how can a natural parent justify its use?

Inquisitiveness is the hallmark of the toddler.  They are not content to be passive observers of their environment; they want to touch, feel, taste and climb upon every surface and object that captures their attention.  Sometimes they stay focused like a laser on a seemingly uninteresting object for long periods, and other times they flit from one thing to the next spending mere moments on any single item.  While such exploration can safely be encouraged at home, in a crowded store, airport, or other busy and unfamiliar place, allowing a child to go on his own presents a real danger.  Parents are then left with few options:  They can stifle the child’s natural curiosity with lots of “no-no’s” or the physical restraint of a stroller or shopping cart.  They can allow the child to explore and hope for the best.  Or they can do their best to hover over the child and encourage safe exploration.  While the last option is ideal, it is not always feasible, particularly when there are tasks at hand or the toddler is particularly quick.  An accident can happen in the blink of an eye.

Therein lies the beauty of the leash: the leash encourages safe independent exploration. The leash allows the child to lead the way safely.  He can explore within a short radius, but he is never out of the parent’s quick reach in the event of danger.  In a busy place, there is no threat of separation because the leash connects parent and child.  The leash can encourage independence while providing an appropriate level of safety.  Using a leash is responsive to the toddler’s needs, and it encourages natural learning through exploration.

Leash naysayers respond to this argument by saying that their children can have the same level of independence while holding a parent’s hand.  In theory, that is true, but not all toddlers are willing to hold a parent’s hand, at least not right away.  Toddlers are so much smaller in stature than their parents, so hand-holding requires the child to keep his arm over his head for an extended period.  Try that for just five minutes – it isn’t comfortable.  Further, for toddlers relatively new to walking, having one arm extended overhead can throw off their balance and make walking quite difficult.  While hand-holding can certainly be taught, it is not automatic nor immediately adapted.  Before hand-holding becomes the norm, the leash is an excellent tool.

This natural parent has no problem using a leash in appropriate situations.  But where do you lie on the great leash debate?  Are you on the “I would never” side, or can you see some situations where a leash could be useful?