An Open Letter to Moms of Babies: The Terrible Twos Aren’t Terrible.

From about fifteen months onward, my son began expressing himself pretty well. He had his own thoughts and opinions on things, and even though he didn’t have the words to express what was in his head, he managed to vocalize what was on his mind pretty well. Sometimes, loudly.

And everyone said, “he’s not even to the terrible twos yet.“ And the inevitable follow-up: “Just you wait.”

Some moments are like this.

Wait I did. And I worried: is two really so terrible? What am I in for? I fretted. And I begged my little baby to stay a baby. Of course, that didn’t work. He turned two.

Admittedly, we aren’t far into two years old yet, but I’m convinced: the terrible twos really aren’t terrible at all. (<==Click to Tweet)

Yes, we do have the occasional breakdown. There are times where Jack wants nothing more than to lie down on the floor at Target and yell. I do my best then to remind myself why he does that: he’s new at this whole “living in society” thing. He does’t “get” our rules yet, and he won’t for awhile. That’s okay. He needs this time to figure things out, to push boundaries and press buttons, and to learn on his own.

For the most part, though, the twos are something else entirely. They are filled with wonder. He never ceases to amaze me with the thoughts he puts together, the ideas that he expresses (and how he expresses them), his interests, his likes. And he’s learning so much! He sings songs now, and puts puzzles together, and even has a joke he likes to tell. Who knew that little ones did that stuff? There’s nothing like watching what used to be this squishy little lump of baby turn into a small person with big ideas, big interests, and big emotions. The hard parts – the frustrations, the transitions, that special high-pitched, eardrum-rupturing squeal that only a toddler can perfect – they are fleeting, if you let them be. But the wonder is beyond measure.

So far, two is the best age.

Most moments are like this. Happy. And a little blurry. But mostly, happy.

11 Responses to An Open Letter to Moms of Babies: The Terrible Twos Aren’t Terrible.

fredalina

February 11, 2012 at 7:29 am

I could not agree more! We’re 2/3 of the way through two now and so far it is THE best age, hands down. They are so startlingly brilliant and sweet and thoughtful! My kid’s bad days are MY bad days, not hers. Those days when I get impatient and let my desires fill my heart and cloud out my patience. It’s absolutely me, not her. I keep hearing, “Three is worse than two” and I wonder how it could NOT be! As long as three is better than one (the period of 11 to 15 months was for sure the worst, again probably because of my own expectations) then I’m ready for it!

- Jenn @ Monkey Butt Junction
  
  February 11, 2012 at 11:59 am
  
  Fred, that’s totally it. If I am getting frustrated, it is because I have a deadline or I have some idea of a schedule or what I want to do. It has so little to do with his behavior – he’s doing just what he was built to do. I’ve had to re-set my mindset on that a few times when I find myself getting frustrated.
  
Valerie @ Momma in Progress

February 11, 2012 at 9:52 am

Two is awesome. Three is the new two. That’s all I have to say.
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- Jenn @ Monkey Butt Junction
  
  February 11, 2012 at 11:55 am
  
  I heard someone describe it as this:
  
  Three is Two with intent.
  
Jennifer W.

February 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

I used to agree with Valerie. I believed that 2yo were just learning, testing the waters, pushing the limits to find out where they are. I helped raise 10 children (as sister, a nanny, and one of my own) through that phase and never understood the term. Then I had my second child and HE is the definition of Trying Twos!

The Many Thoughts of a Reader

February 11, 2012 at 2:16 pm

After spending the last few months with 4 year olds. I am not looking foward to that age.
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Zoie @ TouchstoneZ

February 12, 2012 at 1:32 am

“Oh, he’s 2. Just wait until he’s 3…Oh, he’s 4. Just wait until he’s 5…Oh he’s 8. Just wait until he’s a tween…Oh, he’s a tween. Just wait until he’s a teenager…Oh, college is hard…Just wait until they move back in…Just wait until he has his own kids…”

Does it ever end when the doomsayers of parenting have an opinion?

I cry bunk!

Each developmental stage has it’s own challenges. Sometimes they manifest in ways that inconvenience or try us as parents and it’s considered “the terrible ____s.” And that’s what it’s really about. Our lack of ability to adjust to another human being’s limited capacity to communicate or understand their new, overwhelming experiences.

I’m not undercutting this lack. It is one of the hardest parenting challenges there is. But, it lies in us as the supposedly more capable being to meet them where they need us.
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- Shannon
  
  February 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm
  
  I agree with Zoie. It’s like how some people struggle more with their second child then there first because they are expecting things to be like they were with the first.
  For me, 3 has been a very challenging age, because of the things my daughter is working through and the buttons they push in me. But I’ve known and loved many 3 year olds were an absolute delight. And this is all much easier on me then when she started walking at 9 months and I couldn’t reason with her to stay away from ledges.
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Sheila

February 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Okay, my kid’s not quite two yet, but I agree. Every time I’m told a certain stage is terrible, it never lives up to expectations. Instead, we have a rough month or so while he’s getting used to his new abilities and I’m getting used to his new needs, and then we settle into a new normal and it’s not a big deal. At 22 months, his meltdowns are definitely more epic than they used to be, and he’s much more stubborn when he doesn’t want to leave the playground, but he’s also way more fun. He entertains himself better than he did at 12 months. He communicates amazingly well, so I’m finally getting a window on what he’s thinking and what he wants.

I look back on videos of him as a baby and think, “Wow, he was so little work back then!” But on the other hand, he didn’t do much either. Every new age, I’m convinced that THIS, definitely, THIS age is the best age. So right now, 22 months is the best age. I wouldn’t trade it.
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