Everyone is fine. It wasn’t like THE worst day. But it was…something.
It started out great. I worked in the garden, took a bike ride to get some oven-fresh cinnamon rolls for the family, and then Jack and I were off to the beach for a few hours. That part was fantastic.
Then we had to do our grocery shopping. Our best grocery option on a Sunday is Wal-Mart, so Jack and I were off to the Wal-Mart grocery. Things were going well until Jack uttered the words that every mom of a newly potty trained kid dreads:
“Mommy. I have to go potty. NOW.”
Wal-Mart is big. HUGE. And we were at the farthest possible location from the restrooms. But I tried. Oh, I tried. I thanked my lucky stars for my fitness as I sprinted our cart towards the restrooms. But things declined rapidly.
“Mommy. I’m peeing in my pants.”
Oh, no. Not just his pants. His pants and my feet. Did I mention that I was wearing sandals? We were at the beach that morning.
I wanted to die.
Let me share the text I sent my husband:
But fortunately, my husband is really supportive and stands by me in times of distress.
At that point, Jack was soaked. I don’t even want to think about my poor feet. I tried to locate a Wal-Mart employee, to tell him, um, clean up in Aisle Two, but there was no one to be found. I went to the checkout line and told the poor horrified trainee checker. I felt bad for him, but worse for me. Jack had happily forgotten the incident.
We hurried home, and I told Jack to get undressed immediately and head upstairs for a shower. You’d think that the festivities would have ended there, but they did not.
No, no. They did not.
I heard a little voice in the bathroom as I was heading up the stairs to start the shower.
“Mommy! Somebody pooped on the toilet!”
Oh, dear God.
“See? There’s poop on the seat.”
There was, in fact, poop on the seat. Jack maintained his innocence, but I know the truth.
Pee and poop, all in the space of about thirty minutes. At least I have my Summer Shandy.
And if you see this on YouTube, just remember: don’t laugh. It could happen to you, too.